Mealtimes can be one of the more challenging parts of the day for someone struggling with disordered eating. Feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, and overwhelm can often arise around food and meals. Research has found that individuals affected by eating disorders commonly associate mealtimes with distress, and those with anorexia may experience increased anxiety before eating. These emotions may show up in different ways, such as fidgeting, becoming quiet, avoiding eye contact, or seeming distracted during meals.
Supporting a loved one through these moments can be challenging as well. You may want to help them feel comfortable and supported, but feel unsure about what to say or do.
In this blog, we’ll share some ways you can help support a loved one during mealtimes. It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience with disordered eating is different, which means the type of support they find most helpful may vary. Having open and honest conversations about their needs and preferences can help you better understand how to support them in a way that feels meaningful and comforting to them specifically.
Tip #1: Keep Conversation Light and Neutral
Mealtimes can already feel stressful. Talking about enjoyable topics, such as hobbies, favorite shows, upcoming plans, or shared memories, can help reduce anxiety and take some of the focus off the meal itself. Some people also find it helpful to use conversation cards or prompts, which can spark new, interesting topics and make it easier to keep the conversation flowing when it feels hard to know what to say.
Tip #2: Use Gentle Distractions During Meals
For some people, having a distraction during meals can help reduce anxiety and make the experience feel more manageable. Consider incorporating activities that encourage connection and take the focus away from eating disorder thoughts, such as:
- Playing 20 Questions
- Reading aloud
- Drawing or coloring
- Playing a board game
- Watching a favorite TV show
Tip #3: Help Create a Calm Environment
The environment during a meal can have a significant impact on how comfortable and supported your loved one feels. Creating a calm, low-stress atmosphere may help reduce some of the anxiety that can arise around eating. Consider minimizing distractions that may add stress or make it difficult to focus on the meal, such as homework or work tasks. It’s also helpful to be mindful of who is present during meals. Some individuals may feel more at ease eating around certain friends or family members, while others may find larger groups or particular people more challenging.
Tip #4: Offer Support After the Meal
For many, the challenges of mealtime don’t end when the meal is over. In fact, some may experience increased feelings of guilt, anxiety, frustration, or negative self-talk that can linger, making the post-meal period especially challenging.
Having a plan for after meals can be a helpful way to support your loved one during this time. Structured activities can provide comfort, connection, and a sense of distraction while they work through difficult thoughts and emotions. These activities can also help them sit with uncomfortable feelings and physical sensations without acting on eating disorder urges in the moment.
Some ideas include:
- Taking a short walk together
- Journaling
- Drawing, coloring, or doing another creative activity
- Snuggling with a pet or blanket
- Doing a puzzle or a very easy hands-on activity
Tip #5: Be Patient and Compassionate
Eating disorder recovery can be a challenging journey, and mealtimes may look and feel different from day to day. Some meals might feel more manageable, while others can take longer or feel especially difficult. This is completely normal and part of the recovery process.
Offering patience, compassion, and understanding during these moments can make a meaningful difference. Even when things feel slow or uncomfortable, staying calm and present can help your loved one feel supported rather than rushed or pressured. Small gestures, like gentle encouragement, a steady presence, or simply sitting with them, can help create a sense of safety and reassurance during a time that may feel overwhelming.