If someone you care about is struggling with an eating disorder, you likely want to support them in any way you can, especially during meals. This can be challenging if you’re unsure what not to say or do. While everyone’s needs are unique, there are certain comments that may unintentionally trigger shame, guilt, or anxiety. Even well-intentioned words can sometimes be received in a hurtful way. Let’s explore a few things to avoid saying at mealtimes when supporting someone in recovery.
Avoid:
Heavy Conversations During Meals
Starting conversations about major decisions, stressful events, or heavy topics during meals can sometimes do more harm than good. It might feel like offering a distraction, but for someone with an eating disorder, mealtimes can already feel overwhelming. Adding intense or emotionally charged discussions may increase stress rather than ease it.
Instead, try to keep the conversation light and supportive. Talking about movies, books, hobbies, or sharing fun, open-ended questions can help create a calmer environment and make the meal feel less pressured.
Critiquing the Moment
Even thoughtful or encouraging comments such as “Isn’t that too much food?”, “You’re doing so well,” or “You should have more of that, it’s good for you,” can sometimes add unintended pressure and increase feelings of guilt and anxiety. It’s also a big part of the reason why they tend to avoid eating in front of others, because they think they are being judged by their plate.
Instead, try to create a calm, neutral environment where the focus isn’t on the food or their behavior. Sometimes the most supportive approach is simply being present, engaging in light conversation, and allowing the meal to naturally flow as you enjoy each other’s presence.
Compare them to Siblings or other People at the Table
Comparing someone’s plate to another person’s isn’t helpful for anyone, whether or not they’re in recovery. Even joking comparisons fall under what not to say, as they can be triggering. Everyone has unique needs and appetites, and comments like this can leave someone feeling judged, insecure, or ashamed. Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions, and mealtimes are safest when approached with care, understanding, and support.
Not Having an Advocate in Social Gatherings
Recovery is not meant to be a journey that one takes alone. Having a healthcare team is important for professional guidance, but close friends and family can also play a key role in offering support and encouragement, especially in challenging moments.
For someone navigating disordered eating, social gatherings around food can feel intimidating. A trusted loved one can help by keeping conversations light, offering gentle encouragement, or simply being there for them. Their presence can make meals feel safer and help reduce stress in these situations.